Building Relationships
I've been thinking about the "sending my busy kids to pre-K so I can spend time with another child" issue. Some moms just had a baby and want to get the older kid out of the house because she feels she just can't do enough for him. Some moms have younger kids that just get in the way when she is doing school work with the older ones, and she feels she just can't provide enough attention. It is a common lament among homeschoolers that homeschooling is hard to do with little ones underfoot, because they are all inconveniently of differing ages. The bottom line for all of us who have been there, or who are there is: it's plain hard. And sending a child away regularly to let someone else take care of him, and so he can spend hours with other kids his own age, seems such an easy solution.
But it occurred to me that motherhood is supposed to be hard, and throwing homeschooling on top of it can be more challenging. We chose this life, this homeschooling/motherhood journey. We were called to this. It's supposed to be hard. It is likely the hardest job there is.
And it's ours.
Does this mean we should never leave the house since we are chained to our kids? Of course not. Should we not desire a break from it all and figure out a way to get one? No! I was tempted to send my kids to pre-K to get a break. I was tired and overwhelmed. Some days slipped by and I got nothing done. Other days I was a whirlwind of activity and exhausted at bed time. But I stuck it out and was duly rewarded. Rewarded with memories of stories and boo-boos and helpers in the kitchen and cries of frustration and squeals of joy. The good, the bad and the ugly were mostly mine to remember.
I got breaks. I traded babysitting with friends. I went out on dates with my husband. I put the kids to bed early every night so I could have a peaceful evening. I took the kids to a gym where we could all get some exercise and make some friends. I found ways to get breaks without sending the kids to an institution.
So many times I hear moms of young children struggling through these first few years of homeschooling. They are frustrated: He's 5 and can't read! She won't sit still! I need a curriculum for my 4 year old! My child is behind! and more. The frustration is real, and I felt it when I was starting out. We want our kids to learn and succeed. But the years have taught me that, while these issues are important, they are not battles worth fighting. They are not hills worth dying on. As important as academics are to us, the bigger picture, the battle worth fighting, is the relational one. Home education, from birth through roughly age 12, is relationally based, rather than academically, or should be. After age 12 or so, home education gradually becomes more focused on academics, but the relationship with your child is still very important.
Academics will come; the kids will learn to read and write and do arithmetic. But it's in the trenches of building your relationship with your kids where the good stuff happens. It's where lessons are taught that the child carries with him for life. It's where character is forged for life. When you and your child have built up your relationship in those early years- there is no stopping you. When you have reached into your child's heart and mind and cultivated them- you both will go far!
It's so hard to let go of the classroom and embrace real-life living, because for most of us, that's all we knew growing up. Trust that the learning will happen- it just won't look like you thought it would or in the way you wanted.
Institutionalizing your child is not the answer.
Relationship building balanced with time for yourself is.
Proverbs 14:1 "A wise woman builds up her house, but a foolish one tears it down." Moms of younger kids, you have many years ahead of you, so invest wisely. You can do this!
But it occurred to me that motherhood is supposed to be hard, and throwing homeschooling on top of it can be more challenging. We chose this life, this homeschooling/motherhood journey. We were called to this. It's supposed to be hard. It is likely the hardest job there is.
And it's ours.
Does this mean we should never leave the house since we are chained to our kids? Of course not. Should we not desire a break from it all and figure out a way to get one? No! I was tempted to send my kids to pre-K to get a break. I was tired and overwhelmed. Some days slipped by and I got nothing done. Other days I was a whirlwind of activity and exhausted at bed time. But I stuck it out and was duly rewarded. Rewarded with memories of stories and boo-boos and helpers in the kitchen and cries of frustration and squeals of joy. The good, the bad and the ugly were mostly mine to remember.
I got breaks. I traded babysitting with friends. I went out on dates with my husband. I put the kids to bed early every night so I could have a peaceful evening. I took the kids to a gym where we could all get some exercise and make some friends. I found ways to get breaks without sending the kids to an institution.
So many times I hear moms of young children struggling through these first few years of homeschooling. They are frustrated: He's 5 and can't read! She won't sit still! I need a curriculum for my 4 year old! My child is behind! and more. The frustration is real, and I felt it when I was starting out. We want our kids to learn and succeed. But the years have taught me that, while these issues are important, they are not battles worth fighting. They are not hills worth dying on. As important as academics are to us, the bigger picture, the battle worth fighting, is the relational one. Home education, from birth through roughly age 12, is relationally based, rather than academically, or should be. After age 12 or so, home education gradually becomes more focused on academics, but the relationship with your child is still very important.
Academics will come; the kids will learn to read and write and do arithmetic. But it's in the trenches of building your relationship with your kids where the good stuff happens. It's where lessons are taught that the child carries with him for life. It's where character is forged for life. When you and your child have built up your relationship in those early years- there is no stopping you. When you have reached into your child's heart and mind and cultivated them- you both will go far!
It's so hard to let go of the classroom and embrace real-life living, because for most of us, that's all we knew growing up. Trust that the learning will happen- it just won't look like you thought it would or in the way you wanted.
Institutionalizing your child is not the answer.
Relationship building balanced with time for yourself is.
Proverbs 14:1 "A wise woman builds up her house, but a foolish one tears it down." Moms of younger kids, you have many years ahead of you, so invest wisely. You can do this!
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