The Autodidact

OK, so It's time for me to confess something. I know many people assume this about me, but it's just not true. I do not use coupons. I know, it's crazy, what with all those hungry children to feed, and living on one income, but there it is. Once in a while I look through the coupons that come in the paper, but then I soon remember why I don't use them. Hair products: I have time to wash my hair with really cheap shampoo (no coupon needed) and maybe dry it. Maybe. Personal care products: Who needs pink razors when your husband's is always handy and sharp? Any other product I can buy in a gallon size at the local warehouse club. Except for deodorant and toothpaste, which do not come in a handy gallon size, so I sometimes use coupons for those. Boxed items: Even with a great coupon, you could make it yourself much more cheaply. Plus, most stuff that comes in a box isn't good for you anyway. But I do buy crackers and pretzels- the really dry, boring ones.

Spring is almost here, almost pushing its way from underground, and we are at our appointment to see our baby on an ultrasound. We excitedly enter the exam room and wait for the doctor, who comes in shortly and gets right to work. The lights are dimmed and the room is quiet and there he is! He's so beautiful and perfect, but he's not moving. It does not register with us that something is wrong, that he's supposed to be moving; but he is still. The doctor puts down the transducer and leaves the room, saying she must make a phone call, and that I need to get dressed. We're baffled and wait for her to return, when she tells us to get to our obstetrician's office immediately. No other words, no explanation. This is our first child and we wonder what's wrong and what's going to happen at the OB's office. The drive is short but seems to take forever, and we say nothing to one another in the car. At the OB's office, we are swiftly taken to my doctor's

Back when I started to home educate, there were few, if any co-ops. The only one in my area met one morning a week. The moms had to either teach a class or help out with the pre-schoolers and babies. Now there are several co-ops in the area and they vary from the one-half day a week variety, up to two days a week. At two days a week, they border on being a school, and indeed, there is one such here that is called a school for homeschoolers. You will meet plenty of people who can tell you how wonderful co-ops are and how much they love them. In fact, you will hear more from them than from the likes of me. I just want to give you the perspective of someone who has never belonged to one so you can hear both sides of the issue. I have never participated in a co-op, nor do I care to. I am content at this point (13 years in) to remain on my own. My philosophy on this you can read  here . But to the mom starting out, who is already overwhelmed with choosing just the "right" books

I can see you smiling, sitting on the couch. Why there was so much strife I could never figure out. All I have are pictures, some of them are in albums,  but the best ones are in my head. You were so handsome and I was in awe, you always smiled at me and I loved you for it. We didn't talk much;  so many years separated us, but there was a bigger gulf imposed on us; one that we could not reach across. A gulf of selfishness and pride a gulf of secrets and sin and no matter how you tried, you could not bridge it. You in your banishment and I in my extreme youth; there was nothing we could do but smile at one another, as if that were enough. You will never know how often I thought of you, how I wanted to bridge the gap. I often thought of calling you, but feared falling into the trap, of someone else's making. So all I have are pictures,  now that you are dead, but that's all I had anyway. Some pictures are in

Here's a gooey, rich, chocolatey dessert that's quick to fix and easy to clean up since you only need one bowl to mix it in. Alas, it disappears quickly too. Heat the oven to 425. Grease 4 or 5 custard cups or ramekins (approximately 8 ounce size). Place them on a cookie sheet. In a 6 cup microwave bowl, melt 1 stick of butter and 1/2 cup chocolate chips in the microwave for 1-2 minutes on high. Stir. Add 1 cup sugar (I use 1/2 cup xylitol, scant 1/2 teaspoon stevia, and a tad more than 1/4 cup regular sugar.) Stir. Add 2 eggs and 2 egg yolks. Stir. Add 1/4 cup flour. Stir. Pour into cups and bake 13 minutes. Remove from oven and invert the cups onto dessert plates. Let cool and wait for the chocolate to fall out of the cups. You may have to loosen the sides with a knife. Hopefully, the chocolate will be a bit runny, but if not, I'm sure you can choke it down. Top with whipped cream or serve with a side of ice cream; you may as well go all the way becaus

Like the Mayan priests of old Sacrificing innocents every second, Our medicine men in white coats To our young women beckon. What's one million give or take? They still die on For utility's sake. The blood runs hot And sticks to our hands. The bodies pile and rot And swiftly cover the land. Our fields grow empty And the crops have failed. Kneeling before the god of ease We bow and quail. What's one million take or give? They will die on; They will not live. Their blood cries out, It screams for justice. Will we heed the shout Or do what appeases us? What's one million more or less? They still die on And truth is suppressed. We think we are blessed! But we are cursed. We think we've progressed, But we are perverse. What's one million less or more? They die on While we rot to the core. Every day in the US, about 3,000 children lose their lives. There are 1,440 minutes

My house used to be very neat, tidy and clean. Then I started having kids. Around the time I had the third or fourth child, my housekeeping started to slip. In the past, I could clean the house in one day, but I started to settle for cleaning one floor in a day, and then maybe one room. Kids' toys and clothes and drawing materials all over the house. Dishes perpetually in the sink, remains of a snack on the kitchen and dining room tables, because they just couldn't keep the mess contained to one table. The bane of home school moms with a bunch of kids. And, to an extent, it's OK. I teach all my kids how to clean and be neat, but they don't always do it, or do it my way. But they are learning, and I have let go of a lot of my compulsions for neatness, while maintaining a semblance of order. But one room I have never compromised on: our bedroom. Other than brief months with a newborn, or times when I wanted a sick child at my side all night to keep an eye on things, or

My day was just not going well. I hadn't slept well, and my stomach felt icky and my nose was running and I couldn't stop sneezing. Plus I had a headache. And I was trying to explain a difficult math problem to one kid while running through some math flash cards with another, and the 2 year old really wanted to be in my lap. I couldn't hear the 10 year old's answers over my sneezing and blowing my nose, and the 8 year old was pretty distracted by my respiratory distress. It was only 9:15 and I was already crabby and feeling impatient and trying to hide it, which made me more crabby. I just wanted to go back to bed and pull the covers over my head and let the kids take a day off and watch movies. And then I thought how pitiful my excuses were for being crabby- lots of moms with way fewer resources and support and way more problems than I have are doing what I'm doing and probably doing it joyfully. Days like that really make me wonder if putting them in school would

Here's an easy way to have delicious fried chicken baked in the oven. Prep time is not too long, and fairly simple, albeit messy. This recipe is for 10 chicken thighs. *Mix 4 eggs and 1/3 cup mayonnaise in a shallow dish with a whisk or fork. Today, I had a little helper.                                                 *In another dish, mix 2 cups flour and 1 package Italian dressing mix plus a tablespoon of Mrs. Dash. If you don't use dressing mix, then just use more Mrs. Dash. *Line a large baking pan with foil, to make your clean up easier. *Dip each piece of chicken in the egg mixture, then dredge through the flour. *Place chicken on your foil-lined pan, skin side up (this is important if you want crispy skin). *Now, the nice thing about this recipe, is you can make this early in the day, cover and put in the fridge until it's time to cook it. That way, you won't be making a big mess in the kitchen while the kids are hungry and

So now your oldest child is approaching the middle school years, and maybe you have been home educating all along, or perhaps you are considering pulling him or her out of school. And you are a bit worried about those middle school years. I was, and my hat is off to those dedicated teachers bravely teaching classrooms of 12-14 year-olds. Hormones gone crazy, pimples, braces, maybe eye-glasses; it's akin to a horror movie. It's a tough age no matter what, and home educating is no vaccination against the drama that unfolds at this time in a child's life. Think back to when you were that age: self absorbed, worried about what others thought of you, happy one minute, angry the next, your body doing crazy things, trapped somewhere in a no-man's land between childhood and adulthood. You need to hold that memory in your mind, and meditate on that as you help your child navigate this new territory. Mom, if you can keep your cool and not react in shock, disbelief or uproarious

I've gotten to the point in my life where I no longer worry about being pretty or attractive. I'm content to be out of pain, able to do the physical activities I want to do, and have a lot of energy. Who needs pretty at my age? But lately the 2 and 5 year old have looked me in the eye and said "Mommy, you look pretty!" I'm also at the age where I am not about to argue with someone who says something nice to me. Over the years, when the older kids were young, they, too would say something like that, and I didn't argue then, either. But I was vain then, and inside, I disagreed. I have never voiced out loud my opinions of how I think I look, at least in front of the kids. It wasn't really a conscious choice, I wasn't out to protect my girls' self esteem, I just didn't. Maybe because my mom never did either, I don't know. What makes our children say that we are pretty? What makes them arrive at that conclusion? They say it with sincerity an

Now a word (or two) to the dads. You and your wife have decided to live counter-culturally, and educate your kids at home. And if you are the main breadwinner, your financial provision is most important and appreciated. But there is more for you to do. Dad, you are a vital part of this venture, or adventure. Your wife has undertaken a another burden: in addition to the house work, discipline, errands and cooking, now she is in charge of seeing to the children's education.  This is not an easy task, even if she makes it look easy.   Whatever you can do to help her, do it willingly and cheerfully. The two of you need to work this out yourselves, but mom, you must communicate clearly to your husband how he can help you. My husband helps me greatly because I made clear the things I wanted or needed him to do. Dad, your encouragement and support are vital. Ask your wife how her day was, what the kids learned, were they good students, and does she feel she got enough done today.

This is a nice combination of banana and chocolate in a yummy bread. It's good enough for dessert, but will work nicely for breakfast or a snack. Cream 2 cups of sugar (I used 1 cup sugar and 1 cup sucanat) and 2 sticks of butter.  Beat in 4 eggs. Add 8 Tablespoons of milk and 3 smashed or pureed very ripe bananas. Add 4 cups of flour (if using whole wheat or a combination of white and whole wheat add a tablespoon each of vital wheat gluten and dough enhancer), 1& 1/2 cups cocoa, 1& 1/2 cups chocolate chips, 1 Tablespoon each baking soda and baking powder, and 3/4 teaspoon of salt. Mix until just blended and scrape into 3 greased bread pans. The dough will be thick and sticky. My pans measure 8 1/2" by 4 3/4" by 2 1/2" (measured inside the pan), so if yours are much bigger, you may be able to use just 2 pans. Bake at 350 for 55 minutes or until a knife inserted into the middle of the loaf comes out clean. Let sit in the pans and cool for about 15

Here's a simple, cheap and nutritious dinner for a cold winter night, and if you are of Irish descent, as I am, you will find it very satisfying. Plus, you only need one pot, so clean up is easy.  All you need is a head of cabbage, six or so potatoes, 4 or 5 carrots, 2 or 3 onions, and some water. I like to use red potatoes because they add color to this dish, but whatever you have on hand is fine. Simply quarter the cabbage and the onions, cut the carrots into big chunks, and put them in the pot with the potatoes (whole or halved, whatever suits you). Add 4 or five cups of water, or chicken stock, if you have it. Bring to a boil and then simmer until the potatoes are done. This may take 45 minutes or longer, depending on how big a recipe you are making. I fill my large stock pot, so it can take up to an hour. Serve with butter and apple cider vinegar: these are musts for it to taste just right. You may think that this is a bland dinner, but it is surprisingly tasty and flavorf

What better way to keep warm on a cold winter day than to mix up a batch of scones and a pot of tea? This recipe was given to me by a dear friend, and whenever I make them, I fondly remember many happy times spent in her company. In a large bowl: Mix together 6 cups flour (if you are going heavy on the whole wheat, add 3 Tablespoons each of dough enhancer and vital wheat gluten) 4& 1/2 teaspoons baking powder 3/4 teaspoon salt 1 Tablespoon cinnamon 1/2 teaspoon ginger 1& 1/2 teaspoons nutmeg 1/2 teaspoon cloves Add 1& 1/4 cups butter (or substitute 1/4 cup of the butter with some coconut oil; you won't regret it). Cut the butter into thin slices like this: Mix with a pastry knife or your hands until it looks like this: Add 1 cup canned pumpkin 1& 1/2 cups cream 1/2 cup yogurt 1 cup brown sugar or sucanat 3 Tablespoons vanilla Stir until everything is just mixed together: If you have some cast iron skillets,

I get asked often what my day looks like as I home educate my kids. Most of the time, when I am in the moment, I feel as though I am flying by the seat of my pants. But I have had 2 weeks off for our winter break, and I can see that there is a regularity to our day, having spent the Christmas season with no schedule. It all depends on the ages of the children, but this post is directed at the mom with elementary age children and younger. I can't stress enough that keeping it simple is so important. If you are new to home education, or still in the first few years, you will be bombarded with choices. Choices of subjects and curricula; choices of activities and groups to join. All of these can easily make you lose focus and get caught up in trying to have the perfect home school. Feelings of guilt over choosing a cheaper curriculum or not doing all the subjects your friends, who are on the go all day, are doing, may follow. And then you fear that your kids won't get into the be

I love one-pot meals; throwing a bunch of ingredients into one container and then letting it simmer just feels so right to me. Here is a simple and cheap dinner that's really popular at our house. I have tweaked this to suit our tastes, but the original recipe came from the More With Less cookbook, a book I highly recommend. This is a big recipe, feeding the 9 of us with some leftovers, so you will have to tailor it to the size of your family, or invite someone to dinner. Brown 1&1/2 pounds of ground beef with 3 sliced onions and 3 crushed or minced cloves of garlic. When the meat is cooked, add 4 or 5 diced potatoes, salt to taste, and 3 tablespoons of curry powder. Now, I have to insert here that I do not like any curry powders that I have tried in the stores, so I make my own, and I must say, it is divine. I will include the recipe for it at the end. Add 3 diced tomatoes, or a large can of diced or plum tomatoes (canned tomatoes hold up better in this recipe, b

     Years ago, when we lost our first child, (you can read that story here  and  here ) my husband and I attended a grief workshop for almost a year. It was instrumental in my healing, as was my faith in God. I took such strength and courage from the other women there, as well as the few husbands that attended. It was a safe place to cry, to get angry, to bare our deep hurts and fears to one another. I even kept attending when I got pregnant with our second child, because the fear and anxiety were always there, and the slightest cramp or feeling "not pregnant anymore" brought those feelings right to the surface.        But where there was anger and pain and uncertainty, there was also hope. There was a woman at the group, who had lost her daughter a couple of years before, and she attended the group to offer comfort to those whose lives had just been shattered by loss. Losing a baby at any stage, whether it is 6 weeks or 40 weeks, is so hard, and the feelings are raw. And

I served a simple meal of chicken gravy over biscuits to some guests and they loved it enough to ask for the recipe. Recipe?? If you know me well, you know I love to read cookbooks like I read novels, but I hate following recipes. Well, the next time I made chicken gravy I wrote down the ingredients and the amounts (it was killing me!) for my friend and decided to just blog about it for her and anyone else interested as well. Melt 1 stick of butter over low heat. When melted, add 1 &1/3 cups flour. It will be a very thick paste, almost too thick to stir. Heat it through for a minute or so, then add 2 cups of milk. It will be very lumpy, so don't panic; the lumps will go away eventually. When it looks fairly smooth, add 4 &1/2 cups of chicken broth, or milk or a combination. I added all chicken stock. Keep stirring because it will lump up again if you don't, but don't worry, you can stir those lumps out. Add a scant tablespoon parsley (or less if you don't ca

Sometimes I get so caught up in home educating my teenagers and middle school kids, I forget what it was like when I was beginning. It was all so overwhelming and there were so many choices for curricula and methods of teaching, and was I doing it right? But once in a while I talk with someone just starting out or considering home education, and I have to pause and remember those early days. Having graduated one student already and with more on the way, home educating a kid under 10 seems so easy to me. But it doesn't seem easy to a mom whose head is spinning from anxiety and confusion just at the thought of home education. She is full of self-doubt and she is, admittedly, inexperienced. But she was just as inexperienced when she welcomed her first child into her life, and if she is honest with herself, that has worked out OK so far. So I want to speak to that woman, and if this describes you, then listen. You can do it. You are a mother. Mothers are strong and can think on their