Master of the Master Bedroom
My house used to be very neat, tidy and clean. Then I started having kids. Around the time I had the third or fourth child, my housekeeping started to slip. In the past, I could clean the house in one day, but I started to settle for cleaning one floor in a day, and then maybe one room. Kids' toys and clothes and drawing materials all over the house. Dishes perpetually in the sink, remains of a snack on the kitchen and dining room tables, because they just couldn't keep the mess contained to one table. The bane of home school moms with a bunch of kids. And, to an extent, it's OK. I teach all my kids how to clean and be neat, but they don't always do it, or do it my way. But they are learning, and I have let go of a lot of my compulsions for neatness, while maintaining a semblance of order.
But one room I have never compromised on: our bedroom. Other than brief months with a newborn, or times when I wanted a sick child at my side all night to keep an eye on things, or when we have overnight company, our room has been off limits to the kids. NO toys allowed, knocking before entering is a must, no playing in our room or jumping around on our bed. In short, they can come in when they are invited or instructed to do so, and they are welcomed. The younger ones even ask permission to come in my room or use the master bath when the other bathrooms are occupied. It's not really necessary, but awfully polite, so I just let them ask. And the times we do let them get in bed with us, they go over the moon, because it is such a treat!
It may seem pointless to keep that room free of kid clutter; it's not like I spend a lot of time there. And it's hard to clean a room when all you have is very small children; I used to do it when mine were napping or after they went to bed at night, or when they were old enough, I made them help. Some days, I leave the room after a morning shower, not to return until late at night. But other days, when I am really needing a nap, or I'm not feeling well, or I want to retire early in the evening, I enter a room that is just mine and my husband's. It's fairly clean and maybe just a bit of laundry is left out, or the bed wasn't made, but it's a place of respite. I just relax better in simplicity and peace. I know that I have a retreat upstairs waiting and ready for me should I need it.
But there is another, more subtle reason for keeping our room a haven. The relationship that my husband and I share is different than the relationships he and I have with the kids. It's a special relationship and needs a fair amount of protection. It's the foundational relationship in the home (beside our respective relationships with Christ), and it sets the tone for the rest of the house. Whatever chaos there is in our lives, amid all the busyness and running around, mom and dad are committed to one another, through it all, until death. It is good for kids to understand that. It's also good that kids understand that they cannot come between my husband and me, or stir up dissension between us. Just as there are parts of our marriage that we don't share with our kids, we don't share our room with them or their stuff. And keeping our room just a bit distanced from the rest of the house gives the little ones a clear picture of the unique nature of marriage; that is something to be protected, cherished and set aside as holy.
Is our room holy? No! But it has become a useful tool to demonstrate an important principle to young children. Is our room always cleaned up? No, but it is clean more that not, and that lends a lot of peace to it. Are there other ways to show your kids that marriage is special? Sure; regular dates with your husband and sending the kids to bed at a set time so you and your husband can have some time alone are great ways to demonstrate the special quality of your relationship. Dating each other lets the kids know that you love each other. Does this mean we have limited our time with our kids? No,we play games with them, talk with them and read to them. We enjoy them! But sometimes the best way to invest in your kids is to invest in your marriage.
But one room I have never compromised on: our bedroom. Other than brief months with a newborn, or times when I wanted a sick child at my side all night to keep an eye on things, or when we have overnight company, our room has been off limits to the kids. NO toys allowed, knocking before entering is a must, no playing in our room or jumping around on our bed. In short, they can come in when they are invited or instructed to do so, and they are welcomed. The younger ones even ask permission to come in my room or use the master bath when the other bathrooms are occupied. It's not really necessary, but awfully polite, so I just let them ask. And the times we do let them get in bed with us, they go over the moon, because it is such a treat!
It may seem pointless to keep that room free of kid clutter; it's not like I spend a lot of time there. And it's hard to clean a room when all you have is very small children; I used to do it when mine were napping or after they went to bed at night, or when they were old enough, I made them help. Some days, I leave the room after a morning shower, not to return until late at night. But other days, when I am really needing a nap, or I'm not feeling well, or I want to retire early in the evening, I enter a room that is just mine and my husband's. It's fairly clean and maybe just a bit of laundry is left out, or the bed wasn't made, but it's a place of respite. I just relax better in simplicity and peace. I know that I have a retreat upstairs waiting and ready for me should I need it.
But there is another, more subtle reason for keeping our room a haven. The relationship that my husband and I share is different than the relationships he and I have with the kids. It's a special relationship and needs a fair amount of protection. It's the foundational relationship in the home (beside our respective relationships with Christ), and it sets the tone for the rest of the house. Whatever chaos there is in our lives, amid all the busyness and running around, mom and dad are committed to one another, through it all, until death. It is good for kids to understand that. It's also good that kids understand that they cannot come between my husband and me, or stir up dissension between us. Just as there are parts of our marriage that we don't share with our kids, we don't share our room with them or their stuff. And keeping our room just a bit distanced from the rest of the house gives the little ones a clear picture of the unique nature of marriage; that is something to be protected, cherished and set aside as holy.
Is our room holy? No! But it has become a useful tool to demonstrate an important principle to young children. Is our room always cleaned up? No, but it is clean more that not, and that lends a lot of peace to it. Are there other ways to show your kids that marriage is special? Sure; regular dates with your husband and sending the kids to bed at a set time so you and your husband can have some time alone are great ways to demonstrate the special quality of your relationship. Dating each other lets the kids know that you love each other. Does this mean we have limited our time with our kids? No,we play games with them, talk with them and read to them. We enjoy them! But sometimes the best way to invest in your kids is to invest in your marriage.
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