Reasons Not to Home Educate
Frequently, I hear reasons people give for not home educating. You may have heard these from others, or maybe you are hearing them inside your head!
My kids and I will just butt heads if we homeschool, so it's better that they go to school. Really? You butt heads with your kids? You have disagreements with them? How strange. Um, every parent has this issue; it just comes with the territory we call parenthood. Home education will probably not make that worse (it may even make it better) as long as the parent acts like an adult.
I don't think I can handle the academics. Elementary grade academics are pretty simple, so I assume they are talking about middle or high school work. At least I hope so. Guess what? I really don't have a clue what my kid's Chemistry book is talking about; and I do not understand half of the stuff in his math book either. It's not my job to understand it, but if I do, great! It's my kid's job to figure it out, and if I have given him a book geared toward the self-learner, and he is moderately intelligent, chances are good he will. If he can't, it's my job to find someone who can explain it, and there are plenty of people out there who would love to offer some tutoring.
I will just screw it all up. This one makes me laugh, although I refrain from laughing at the person who says this to me. Once, after a school year riddled with a dying mother-in-law and a funeral, a horrible pregnancy and then a baby that could do nothing but scream, I gave my kids the Iowa Standardized tests. I really did very little academically with them; the year was just a blur. They all scored in the 90th percentile or more. I came to the conclusion that you would have to put forth way more effort into screwing things up than into doing a decent job.
I can't afford it because I would have to buy all my own curriculum. Sure, you can spend an arm and a leg on fancy curricula that promise your child entrance into an Ivy league school. But you don't have to. Using non-consumable material, or using library materials, borrowing from fellow home educators, and buying used curricula can save you tons of money. Plus, the money you save from not having to buy your kids the latest fashions, (since we all know home schooled kids do their work in their pajamas), you can put toward school materials.
But I worry about their socialization. Yeah, I worried about that one too, and that's why I home educate. The word 'socialization' basically means providing skills necessary to participate in society. If little kids need to be taught this, that means they don't know how, so why would I put my 5 year old in a room with 20 other 5 year olds who have no clue how to properly participate in society? I'm pretty sure a parent would be a better and more efficient option here.
I have to work. Well, that is a tough one, especially because someone's definition of 'have to' can differ wildly from another's. I will say that lots of moms who work part time still manage to home educate their kids (not sure about moms who works full time), and they manage to make it work. With young children, you can accomplish in 2 or 3 days what it takes a week in a school to do the same, so I can see how a part time working mom can do this.
I want my kids to be light and salt to the public school. This is a common reason given in the Christian community. It could be one way to accomplish this, but certainly not the only way. My neighbors all know my many children and love them. My kids have had plenty of opportunities to bless their neighbors, and they never could have done it if they had been in school. Now that my home educated son is participating in sports at our local public school (recent law changes have allowed this), guess what? He is being salt and light to the local public school while being home educated!
I have health problems. I have spent a cumulative amount of at least 2 years homeschooling from the couch or my bed. Horrible pregnancies, years of migraines, and a bout of depression, to name a few, posed challenges to me and the kids as we home educated. Maybe it didn't look like I wanted, and maybe we didn't do all the stuff I wanted, but we managed. Everyone is different, but don't be afraid you can't homeschool just because you can't sit in a chair at a table or desk. Kids can learn if you are on the couch or in bed (they learn even better while snuggled up to you!)
I just couldn't do it. I have no idea what that means, it's so vague. I think it's mostly used to just change the subject.
I want to, but my husband does not. Now here is a valid reason, and I would never advise a woman to go against her husband's wishes. Besides, without the support of your partner, it probably won't be successful.
I wonder sometimes if these are not reasons as much as they are excuses (except for the last two). I think the real reason most people don't do it, is they just don't want to. They don't want to spend days on end with their kids. They would rather be doing something much more self-fulfilling, something that pays them money, or maybe something that makes them feel important. Maybe think they will be bored silly being home all day. I think people tell me their excuses instead of the real reasons because they think I will somehow be offended or judge them. Well, I won't. I much prefer honesty, and I wish folks would just be truthful. I would rather hear someone say they simply don't want to do it and are not interested.
I may not agree, I may not understand how being a mom and home educator is not fulfilling or important, how someone would not want to do it, but those are my opinions, and we can agree to disagree. I may try to change someone's mind, or at least get them to consider it, and maybe get them to differentiate between valid reasons and excuses. Some would say that Home Education isn't for everyone, implying that not everyone can do it, but I think that most anybody could. I would say it's not for everyone because most people don't want to and would not enjoy it, and those are valid reasons.
Let's just be honest with ourselves and others, and not worry what they will think. If any items on the list above are a concern for someone contemplating Home Education, most of them can be addressed and resolved. You may end up not choosing to homeschool, but your choice will be informed and clear to those around you, and more importantly, to yourself.
My kids and I will just butt heads if we homeschool, so it's better that they go to school. Really? You butt heads with your kids? You have disagreements with them? How strange. Um, every parent has this issue; it just comes with the territory we call parenthood. Home education will probably not make that worse (it may even make it better) as long as the parent acts like an adult.
I don't think I can handle the academics. Elementary grade academics are pretty simple, so I assume they are talking about middle or high school work. At least I hope so. Guess what? I really don't have a clue what my kid's Chemistry book is talking about; and I do not understand half of the stuff in his math book either. It's not my job to understand it, but if I do, great! It's my kid's job to figure it out, and if I have given him a book geared toward the self-learner, and he is moderately intelligent, chances are good he will. If he can't, it's my job to find someone who can explain it, and there are plenty of people out there who would love to offer some tutoring.
I will just screw it all up. This one makes me laugh, although I refrain from laughing at the person who says this to me. Once, after a school year riddled with a dying mother-in-law and a funeral, a horrible pregnancy and then a baby that could do nothing but scream, I gave my kids the Iowa Standardized tests. I really did very little academically with them; the year was just a blur. They all scored in the 90th percentile or more. I came to the conclusion that you would have to put forth way more effort into screwing things up than into doing a decent job.
I can't afford it because I would have to buy all my own curriculum. Sure, you can spend an arm and a leg on fancy curricula that promise your child entrance into an Ivy league school. But you don't have to. Using non-consumable material, or using library materials, borrowing from fellow home educators, and buying used curricula can save you tons of money. Plus, the money you save from not having to buy your kids the latest fashions, (since we all know home schooled kids do their work in their pajamas), you can put toward school materials.
But I worry about their socialization. Yeah, I worried about that one too, and that's why I home educate. The word 'socialization' basically means providing skills necessary to participate in society. If little kids need to be taught this, that means they don't know how, so why would I put my 5 year old in a room with 20 other 5 year olds who have no clue how to properly participate in society? I'm pretty sure a parent would be a better and more efficient option here.
I have to work. Well, that is a tough one, especially because someone's definition of 'have to' can differ wildly from another's. I will say that lots of moms who work part time still manage to home educate their kids (not sure about moms who works full time), and they manage to make it work. With young children, you can accomplish in 2 or 3 days what it takes a week in a school to do the same, so I can see how a part time working mom can do this.
I want my kids to be light and salt to the public school. This is a common reason given in the Christian community. It could be one way to accomplish this, but certainly not the only way. My neighbors all know my many children and love them. My kids have had plenty of opportunities to bless their neighbors, and they never could have done it if they had been in school. Now that my home educated son is participating in sports at our local public school (recent law changes have allowed this), guess what? He is being salt and light to the local public school while being home educated!
I have health problems. I have spent a cumulative amount of at least 2 years homeschooling from the couch or my bed. Horrible pregnancies, years of migraines, and a bout of depression, to name a few, posed challenges to me and the kids as we home educated. Maybe it didn't look like I wanted, and maybe we didn't do all the stuff I wanted, but we managed. Everyone is different, but don't be afraid you can't homeschool just because you can't sit in a chair at a table or desk. Kids can learn if you are on the couch or in bed (they learn even better while snuggled up to you!)
I just couldn't do it. I have no idea what that means, it's so vague. I think it's mostly used to just change the subject.
I want to, but my husband does not. Now here is a valid reason, and I would never advise a woman to go against her husband's wishes. Besides, without the support of your partner, it probably won't be successful.
I wonder sometimes if these are not reasons as much as they are excuses (except for the last two). I think the real reason most people don't do it, is they just don't want to. They don't want to spend days on end with their kids. They would rather be doing something much more self-fulfilling, something that pays them money, or maybe something that makes them feel important. Maybe think they will be bored silly being home all day. I think people tell me their excuses instead of the real reasons because they think I will somehow be offended or judge them. Well, I won't. I much prefer honesty, and I wish folks would just be truthful. I would rather hear someone say they simply don't want to do it and are not interested.
I may not agree, I may not understand how being a mom and home educator is not fulfilling or important, how someone would not want to do it, but those are my opinions, and we can agree to disagree. I may try to change someone's mind, or at least get them to consider it, and maybe get them to differentiate between valid reasons and excuses. Some would say that Home Education isn't for everyone, implying that not everyone can do it, but I think that most anybody could. I would say it's not for everyone because most people don't want to and would not enjoy it, and those are valid reasons.
Let's just be honest with ourselves and others, and not worry what they will think. If any items on the list above are a concern for someone contemplating Home Education, most of them can be addressed and resolved. You may end up not choosing to homeschool, but your choice will be informed and clear to those around you, and more importantly, to yourself.
Excellent post! Spot-on truth.
ReplyDeleteThanks. I became a widow recently and discovered it is even more important to keep home schooling and not change that dynamic in my boys lives. We also have even more flexibility for field trips and vacations as no job to work around.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your loss, but I am encouraged by your grit and determination. I hope you are finding support and that someday you will be the support other homeschooling widows need. God bless you!
DeleteThe only thing the article is missing is what about parents who work full time.
ReplyDeleteYes, parents who work full time can homeschool. In a 2-parent household, it's the same commitment (logistically) as if the parents were working 3 jobs (or two full-time jobs and two part-time jobs).
Single parents can homeschool too. Some chose to live frugally so they don't have to work as many hours. Others co-op with another single parent that also homeschools (i.e. you work day shift and the other parent teaches science and math, the other parent works evenings while you teach history and language arts).
I personally homeschooled 3 kids (including one who is disabled) as a single mom on less than $15k annual income for years. No one will *EVER* convince me having to work is a reason not to homeschool. If it's important enough, you find a way to make it work.
My oldest daughter has grown into a fantastic, responsible, compassionate young lady. I am honored and tearful that our homeschool journey will come to an end when she graduates next year. It was worth EVERY. SINGLE. SACRIFICE.
Thanks JF for those ideas. As I have no expertise in this area, I welcome your and anyone's tips in that area. I do know that there are many full-time/part-time employed moms who also homeschool, but I don't know any personally. I also know there are many single moms who home school as well, but I do not know any personally. I hope you can reach out to moms in those situations with your experience and encouragement!
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