Still Married
The other day I was taking dictation for the 17 year-old as he was filling out a questionnaire. One of the questions asked the applicant to list the things they were most thankful for. I had no idea what he was going to say, or if he would be able to think of something to be grateful for; teenagers can sometimes be, well, shallow. Without hesitation, the first thing he listed was thankfulness that his parents were still married. Then he went on to list a few more things, such as a good education, a home and the chance to play sports, and for God.
And I kept writing as he kept talking, but the first item in his list just got hung up in my brain and stayed there long after he finished answering all the questions.
I savored it for a day before even telling anyone, it was that meaningful to me.
I asked him about this and he replied that many of his friends live in a single parent home, and he can see the ripple effects of divorce. I told him that at one time in the past, psychologists and other "professionals" decreed that divorce was a good thing, that parents should do what is best for them, and that the kids will be fine. What a revelation! What a surprise when the psychologists and professionals discovered that, in fact, it was not true. My son responded to this that he believed it to be patently clear to any child or teen that divorce is harmful to kids and that parents staying married is (usually) better. Sometimes kids see things so much clearly than we give them credit for.
So many times I get wrapped up in my marriage and my husband as we grow closer together and learn how to love each other better, that I fail to take into account the importance of what he and I are doing to those around us. That whenever we disagree or argue (not much) and work it out to come to some kind of decision, the kids are watching. That when we apologize and forgive in front of the kids, they are watching. That when we sacrifice for each other, or praise each other, or offer encouragement and support, the kids are watching. When we take care of each other when we are sick or injured, they are watching.
They watch and somewhere deep inside, they feel safe. They watch and somehow know they are included in the love my husband and I have for each other. They watch and are reassured that whatever else may happen in life, mom and dad are staying together. They watch.
Sometimes I forget that our marriage is not just about us, it's not just for our benefit. Really, in the grand scheme of things, the happiness of the two people that make up a married couple is just a part of it. There are always others- family, friends, children- who are affected for better or worse by a marriage.
How encouraging that the seemingly mundane, and even boring, act of staying married meant so much to my teenager. How reassuring that my husband and I might be doing something right in raising our kids by staying married. And not just staying married, but working at it, protecting it, cherishing it and celebrating it.
I am thankful to God for my marriage, and for using one of my kids to encourage me and remind me that marriage is a gift from Him and is bigger than just two people.
And I kept writing as he kept talking, but the first item in his list just got hung up in my brain and stayed there long after he finished answering all the questions.
I savored it for a day before even telling anyone, it was that meaningful to me.
I asked him about this and he replied that many of his friends live in a single parent home, and he can see the ripple effects of divorce. I told him that at one time in the past, psychologists and other "professionals" decreed that divorce was a good thing, that parents should do what is best for them, and that the kids will be fine. What a revelation! What a surprise when the psychologists and professionals discovered that, in fact, it was not true. My son responded to this that he believed it to be patently clear to any child or teen that divorce is harmful to kids and that parents staying married is (usually) better. Sometimes kids see things so much clearly than we give them credit for.
So many times I get wrapped up in my marriage and my husband as we grow closer together and learn how to love each other better, that I fail to take into account the importance of what he and I are doing to those around us. That whenever we disagree or argue (not much) and work it out to come to some kind of decision, the kids are watching. That when we apologize and forgive in front of the kids, they are watching. That when we sacrifice for each other, or praise each other, or offer encouragement and support, the kids are watching. When we take care of each other when we are sick or injured, they are watching.
They watch and somewhere deep inside, they feel safe. They watch and somehow know they are included in the love my husband and I have for each other. They watch and are reassured that whatever else may happen in life, mom and dad are staying together. They watch.
Sometimes I forget that our marriage is not just about us, it's not just for our benefit. Really, in the grand scheme of things, the happiness of the two people that make up a married couple is just a part of it. There are always others- family, friends, children- who are affected for better or worse by a marriage.
How encouraging that the seemingly mundane, and even boring, act of staying married meant so much to my teenager. How reassuring that my husband and I might be doing something right in raising our kids by staying married. And not just staying married, but working at it, protecting it, cherishing it and celebrating it.
I am thankful to God for my marriage, and for using one of my kids to encourage me and remind me that marriage is a gift from Him and is bigger than just two people.
"They watch and somehow know they are included in the love my husband and I have for each other." What a profound and Biblical concept. Just as God's love for us spills over from the love within the persons of the Godhead, so marital human love - even during the times when the emotions must be sustained by the commitment- spills over into the children. It makes them secure to know we'll stay together, but also makes them secure regarding the nature of Love itself.
ReplyDeleteYes! Thank you. If we parents do nothing else for our kids but love each other, we have given them a gift no one can take away and they will carry it the rest of their days.
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