Independence
So now you find yourself with several children and the oldest is anywhere from 6 to 8 or 9 years old, and you are trying to figure out how to do school with the oldest, while taking care of the younger ones. And you think the only way around this is to make the older one do most of her school work independently. While I address the bigger picture of homeschooling while mothering little ones here, this idea of pushing our children into independent work needs to be discussed.
I have 7 children, my youngest being 6. Of all of them, only one was a truly independent learner. I really don't recall teaching her to read or do math; in fact, I rarely had the pleasure of explaining much of anything to her. But even she sat at the table with us doing her work. We would do some subjects together, and some (like math) independently, but all at the same location. Since she was an early reader, she would read on her own for pleasure wherever she chose. We all worked at the dining room table, so I was available to anyone who needed me, and many times I was nursing a baby or feeding a toddler in a high chair.
At some point in middle school, around the ages of 11-13, I gently pushed my kids to do work on their own, according to their abilities. We checked in with each other as needed, but gradually, at their own pace, they became 75%-100% independent by high school. Some needed a bit more encouragement and instruction from me how to work on their own, and that was OK.
Moms, you are first and foremost a mother. A mother is what your children need. Teaching a child how to read is being a mom. Teaching them how to do math is being a mom. Teaching them how to take care of themselves and their environment is being a mom. Teaching them to cook and shop and write and sing is being a mom. It's all wrapped up together. Compartmentalizing yourself into a mom AND a teacher is not usually helpful, and can add much unneeded pressure to you.
Your kids need YOU. They need to be physically close to you. They need to see your face light up when they ask a good question, or master a concept. They need to see you laugh and ponder and struggle and just be you. They don't need a book to tell them how to add or sound out letters or place value or how to tell time or count money. That's your job, because you are the mom. These elementary aged years are, well, elemental. Simple, factual, concrete: easy stuff.
They need time to themselves too. To play unsupervised, to be bored, to read, to day dream. They need to figure out how things work, cause and effect, how to share with their siblings. At this young age these things are their independent work!
Time will come soon enough- too soon- when they are truly on their own. I mean out of the house-married-living on their own kind of thing. Will you wish you had pushed them to be more independent with their school work during those young years? No. But you may find yourself wishing you had snuggled in bed with them more, reading more stories to them, sitting outside watching them play and basking in their youthful joy. Because once they leave for good, your memories of their childhood become very precious. Be sure to make enough.
I have 7 children, my youngest being 6. Of all of them, only one was a truly independent learner. I really don't recall teaching her to read or do math; in fact, I rarely had the pleasure of explaining much of anything to her. But even she sat at the table with us doing her work. We would do some subjects together, and some (like math) independently, but all at the same location. Since she was an early reader, she would read on her own for pleasure wherever she chose. We all worked at the dining room table, so I was available to anyone who needed me, and many times I was nursing a baby or feeding a toddler in a high chair.
At some point in middle school, around the ages of 11-13, I gently pushed my kids to do work on their own, according to their abilities. We checked in with each other as needed, but gradually, at their own pace, they became 75%-100% independent by high school. Some needed a bit more encouragement and instruction from me how to work on their own, and that was OK.
Moms, you are first and foremost a mother. A mother is what your children need. Teaching a child how to read is being a mom. Teaching them how to do math is being a mom. Teaching them how to take care of themselves and their environment is being a mom. Teaching them to cook and shop and write and sing is being a mom. It's all wrapped up together. Compartmentalizing yourself into a mom AND a teacher is not usually helpful, and can add much unneeded pressure to you.
Your kids need YOU. They need to be physically close to you. They need to see your face light up when they ask a good question, or master a concept. They need to see you laugh and ponder and struggle and just be you. They don't need a book to tell them how to add or sound out letters or place value or how to tell time or count money. That's your job, because you are the mom. These elementary aged years are, well, elemental. Simple, factual, concrete: easy stuff.
They need time to themselves too. To play unsupervised, to be bored, to read, to day dream. They need to figure out how things work, cause and effect, how to share with their siblings. At this young age these things are their independent work!
Time will come soon enough- too soon- when they are truly on their own. I mean out of the house-married-living on their own kind of thing. Will you wish you had pushed them to be more independent with their school work during those young years? No. But you may find yourself wishing you had snuggled in bed with them more, reading more stories to them, sitting outside watching them play and basking in their youthful joy. Because once they leave for good, your memories of their childhood become very precious. Be sure to make enough.
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