The Autodidact

So, now I have reached a point where I have more kids done with school than kids left to graduate! Jared, my fourth child was officially graduated on 7/11.                                                    The day promised much rain, high winds and gloom, right up until about a half hour before we began. I prepped for the worst case scenario- everyone in the garage or in the house. Honestly, though, if having a safe and dry home in which to have a large party is the worst case scenario, life is not all that bad. But God was good, and held off the bad weather! We gave Jared his Diploma and a little speech, not too embarrassing for him, but certainly very satisfying for me! Following is the text: Jared, Here we are at the end of our educational journey. It has been my privilege to work with you all these years, watching you learn and teach yourself wherever y...

We have always been a low-tech family. We have always had only one PC for the family, and the kids have bought their own when they started college. They had to wait for smartphones until they were 16-17, depending on how ready we thought they were. There has been a huge shift in the prevalence of social media since the older kids came of age, and one of our kids got caught up in that, unfortunately. We rely more on books, newspapers, the library and talking to one another for information and interaction. And that makes my kids different. Most of them haven't really cared, and have actually felt grateful to have avoided a lot of drama and trouble and time wasters. But a recent conversation uncovered a startling revelation. Both my 16 and 14 year old kids have experienced something several times each. They meet someone at an activity or what have you, spend time with that person, then part ways when the activity has run its course. Later, they run into that person and immediately...

Years ago, when all we had were small children, a backyard game of baseball was a common occurrence. Hubs would do much of the pitching when he was home in the evenings, and sometimes the kids would play during the day without him. A bare patch of grass predictably sprung up where home plate was positioned. Grass did not grow there for years. It was kind of ugly, and it was directly off the patio, so it was clearly visible at all times. I accepted this as just a part of being a parent, and looked forward to grass eventually growing in. Years went by, and baseball was not as popular with the next batch of kids as it had been with the first. The older ones had jobs and friends and activities. The grass grew back in thick and lush. The 9 year old loves ball, and hubs would take the kids to the park to hit a few. I'm not sure why the change in location; we've lived in the same house all along, and the park has always been there. But the 21 year old moved out a year ago and come...

The days pass so quickly here at home. It seems I was just starting out with my oldest three kids just a couple of years ago, instead of being some 17 years into this journey of parenthood. In an earlier  post  I discussed my distaste for the word "homeschooling" and so I may slip into it from time to time, for lack of a better word, or to be clearer to those reading this who are new to this way of life. But really, all I am doing is being a mom. And for all its trials and messes and bad days, there are so many moments that I treasure up in my heart and mind, and, occasionally, on my camera. I love catching the kids doing mundane things.  Average things. Quiet things. On their own, just being themselves. The 6 year old reading her Calvin and Hobbes before getting up for a late breakfast. The 9 year old reading a book or building with Legos in his room. The 12 year old reading her Bible or listening to music and knitting, or playing dolls with her little sister. Th...

What do you do when you are blindsided by life?  When your world is thrown into chaos and your days are filled with phone calls, appointments and putting out fires? When your heart is broken beyond belief and you simply can't focus on getting through the day? The circumstances are not relevant here- it could be anything. What is relevant is how to pick up the pieces and try to carry on as a homeschooler. Putting the kids in school would seem a good idea at this point, since you are struggling to figure out what's for dinner or how you are going to get to the store. But the more you think about it, you realize that really won't solve anything. It won't heal your heart or restore order to your life. So what do you do? You.just.stop. "Kids, we aren't going to do school for a while, and I'm not sure when we will pick back up." This has been my school year. We have gotten back into a very pared down routine, but I have witnessed the following: ...

I don't like telling people we homeschool. Huh? Yes, you heard me correctly. A veteran, die-hard, you'd-have-to-pry-the-kids-from-my-cold-dead-hands kind of homeschooler just said that. I just don't like the name. I love what I do, but the name? Well, it turns me off. And I bet it turns a lot of others off too. Folks who might consider it, but are put off by the name. Parents who want something better than what the public school can offer, but can't afford a private school, might do it, but the name scares them off. Parents of pre-school age kids, especially, are pressured to make a decision. Everyone is looking at pre-schools for juuuust the right one. But some moms are not really feeling it, and would love to carry on without interrupting things with pre-school, but worry about their little one missing out or falling behind or not having friends. As if mom isn't enough. So let me put to rest some concerns. If you think your life will change the moment yo...

On a typical day, my 8 year old is pretty busy with his education. I mean, he is at it all day. Oh, he's not sitting quietly at a desk, with a little halo hanging over his head. He's not diligently doing school work, like they do in school. He's too busy for that because he is being educated. If he has slept in a bit, he fixes himself breakfast. He makes really tasty scrambled eggs, but sometimes he just toasts a bagel or has cereal. Of course, he knows how to clean up after himself as well. Then he's off to getting dressed and making his bed and picking up his room a bit. He hops on his bike for a bit of exercise. But then he has to dash off to shoot his BB gun at an impressive array of targets he has set up in the back yard. He tried to set up moving targets using twine and a pulley system, but realized the danger of having a sibling operating the targets while down range, and scrapped that. Legos are next, and he spends quite a bit of time putting together ...

So now you find yourself with several children and the oldest is anywhere from 6 to 8 or 9 years old, and you are trying to figure out how to do school with the oldest, while taking care of the younger ones. And you think the only way around this is to make the older one do most of her school work independently. While I address the bigger picture of homeschooling while mothering little ones  here , this idea of pushing our children into independent work needs to be discussed. I have 7 children, my youngest being 6. Of all of them, only one was a truly independent learner. I really don't recall teaching her to read or do math; in fact, I rarely had the pleasure of explaining much of anything to her. But even she sat at the table with us doing her work. We would do some subjects together, and some (like math) independently, but all at the same location. Since she was an early reader, she would read on her own for pleasure wherever she chose. We all worked at the dining room table, ...

The last two months have been filled with doctor's appointments and lots of time in waiting rooms. I have to take the younger 4 with me as I just don't quite trust them at home alone and the 14 year old is not really ready for that kind or responsibility.  I've watched all my grand plans for this year fall by the wayside in order for one of my kids to get the medical interventions she needs. Some weeks, nothing happens; other weeks, we manage to do something "school-ish" for a couple of days. I can't recall the last time we were home and did school every day of one whole week.  I still have to grocery shop, do laundry, manage my kitchen and keep house. Oh yes, and my oldest son is getting married in the Spring. I've been feeling like a failure and a slacker. The kids take school work with them, but waiting rooms are a bit distracting, so little gets done. Oddly enough, the one who is spending all the time being cared for by a variety of medi...

I thought it was time for a change in the name of my blog. Why "The Autodidact"? I don't fancy myself as much as a self learner as my kids are. I wish I were half as resourceful as they are. But since this blog is about them and about mothering and homeschooling, I thought the title apt. I am amazed at what those kids learn when I am not meddling in their lives. And not just stuff out of books (and that accounts for much!), but stuff they learn to make and think, or how to figure things out for themselves. Adventures they have all by themselves or just with a sibling or two. It's not that I am absentee parenting- we are with each other for much of the day, or at least in close proximity. But they do wander off and amuse themselves with "play" but what they are really doing is teaching themselves. Most of the time, they don't even realize it. And so, I dedicate my new blog name to my kids- amazing autodidacts!

Electronics. Video games. TV shows. Ipads. PCs. Phones. They are everywhere and seemingly in the hands of most kids- and very young ones at that. I have older kids who never had those things because they weren't nearly as ubiquitous as they are today. I have young children who don't have them because the older ones turned out fine and perfectly normal without being plugged in to something. Honestly, it looks really weird to me to see kids as young as 8 or 9 engrossed in a device. Like they are unaware of their surroundings- in fact bored with them. Even though it's a common sight, it somehow seems as though they are enslaved. Enslaved to an object many times smaller than they are, but many times more powerful. It's just so sad, almost abusive, in fact. But parenting seems so much easier when a little device is placed in a child's hands. But is it? Often I hear moms wonder how to limit them in the home or how to wean the kids off or take a break. They seem helple...

You never know what might come of a trip to the grocery store, and over the years, interesting things have happened there. Last week, I was at one of my usual stops on grocery day, waiting in a slow line with the 4 younger kids. The 8 year old, who loves to find analogue clocks and figure out the time, was studying the big clock on the wall. Only the 3,6,9, and 12 were on the clock, and the minutes were not marked off, so he was really enjoying the challenge. We discussed it and I gave him a bit of coaching, helping him think it through. He figured it out and by then we were almost done being checked out. We loaded the cart and went on our way. I gave it no more thought. Later in the day, when I realized I had forgotten a few things, I went back to the store by myself. The cashier spotted me in line, smiled and said: "weren't you just here?" in a friendly way. I recalled that she was the cashier from earlier, and remarked at what a good memory she had. She said she reme...

Hey Newbies! You there, just starting out with your little ones! Yes, YOU! Having trouble teaching your 3 year old? Your 4 year old won’t sit still? Your 2 year old is fighting with you over school work? The 5 year old would rather be playing? Your 6 year old not even reading yet?? I have great news! This is normal! Your kids are OK. Kids are not meant for formal school work on a daily, consistent basis until they are about 8 years old. Notice I said “daily” and “consistent.” It’s so tempting to jump into formal schooling at the first sign our little ones express an interest in something. But then they lose interest and become frustrated with us for expecting them to conform to our notion of “school.” School is not natural. It is foreign to the wonderful, intricate mind and body of a child. It confounds them. They just want to learn, but too often we interpret that as a sign they are ready to sit still, hold a pencil and do formal schooling. But children are much more fl...

Recently, I was in a very encouraging and lively Facebook discussion concerning a newbie homeschooler mom who was ready to throw in the towel. With a 6 year old. It was great to see so many other moms come along side her and encourage her and ask good questions. Among things recommended by many, including myself, was simply reading to her children. To just push aside all the workbooks and projects and curricula and read aloud, and then read some more. Then go play and do some chores together. The mom and some other moms feeling the same were encouraged and open to the advice from the older, more experienced moms. During the conversation, the original poster said she liked the idea of shoving aside the school stuff and just reading and living life with her kids, but it felt like cheating. And a light went on in my head. Bingo! Eureka! She was so right. We ARE cheating, beating the system at its own game. We moms, some with "only" a high school diploma, armed with ve...

Mothers's Day is hard for me, but not for the usual reasons. I just have trouble accepting any honor or credit for my mothering. I've messed up big time on more than one occasion; I have found myself doing and saying the very things I swore I would never do or say; I just don't feel worthy of the accolades and flowers, however much I like having them. And that's the struggle for me: the handmade cards, flowers, special meals and well wishes all feel good and at the same time point out to me my horrible failures. I look at my kids and see all the good things that they are and do, and I say to myself "How did that happen? How did they learn that? It surely wasn't something I did!" I look at their struggles and shortcomings and I say to myself "That's my fault. I did this, and I can't undo it. I hope they can forgive me and overcome it." Mother's Day for me is part beating myself up for the job I've done, and part being in...

Nit picking. Literally. Not nagging or carping or finding fault with your kids. But actually picking nits out of their hair. I never expected to find myself in this situation since I have always homeschooled, and my younger kids are never in Sunday School or co-ops or other regular group activities. But, alas, it happened. The 4 year old had a bug in her hair one day after a full day of playing outside in the warm sun. I flicked it out of her hair, and didn't give it another thought. Days later, she said her head itched, so I took a look. Another one of those bugs. And another. And another. Thankfully, a friend was over; a woman who spent years as a school teacher and who recognized immediately what I was dealing with. And thankfully, she was calm and reassuring. So, what follows is a result of research, trial and error, and my approach to the problem. And I must note, the problem spread to me. My 4 yr old is a girl, so shaving her head was not really an ...

I've been thinking about the "sending my busy kids to pre-K so I can spend time with another child" issue. Some moms just had a baby and want to get the older kid out of the house because she feels she just can't do enough for him. Some moms have younger kids that just get in the way when she is doing school work with the older ones, and she feels she just can't provide enough attention. It is a common lament among homeschoolers that homeschooling is hard to do with little ones underfoot, because they are all inconveniently of differing ages. The bottom line for all of us who have been there, or who are there is: it's plain hard. And sending a child away regularly to let someone else take care of him, and so he can spend hours with other kids his own age, seems such an easy solution. But it occurred to me that motherhood is supposed to be hard, and throwing homeschooling on top of it can be more challenging. We chose this life, this homeschooling/motherhood ...

There are occasional lists or rules presented around Christmastime to help parents navigate the gift giving part of the season, and hopefully reign in the madness of too much stuff under the tree. Years ago, a friend shared that she limited the gifts to three things to commemorate the three gifts mentioned in the Bible that Jesus received. And that's a helpful place to start. On the other end of the spectrum, I have known parents whose kids make lengthy lists of things they want and the parents can choose from that list (or get all of it). Recently, there has been circulating the Four Gift Rule: one thing the child wants, one thing the child needs, an article of clothing and a book. Again, it's a helpful place to start. Some parents protested that rule because the last three suggestions were not, actually gifts. And, as can be expected, this got me to thinking. What are good gifts to give our kids? Just things they want? Are things they need, such as clothes or books, real...

The winter doldrums are consuming me and I feel like I'm stuck in quicksand. White, cold, slushy quicksand, to be exact. I don't mind the lack of sunshine so much, just all the rest of Winter's joys. But then I start noticing things in the house, since I am hibernating. When the 6 year old prays before dinner, he always thanks God for a glorious day. I wasn't even sure he knew that word, let alone thought that each day is glorious. In the Winter. In the North. But every day to him is glorious. Especially if it includes a game of Monopoly and Go Fish. The 18 year old, who is clearly his own man and ready to take on the world, was recently found in the couch, buried under a mound of pillows and cushions and blankets with the younger 4 kids laughing and running around the couch, delighted with their prisoner. The 3 year old, after a traumatic bathroom incident which ended in a warm bath, told me she felt much better because I had helped her. I mean, that's my j...

We are snuggled under blankets in her bed, her stuffed lamb and bunny and assorted dolls under the covers with us. "Tell me a story, Mommy," she says. So I tell her one of her favorite stories, one that I made up about her and her brothers. The story never varies, and she always giggles at the ending. The story ends, her fingers go in her mouth and her arm curls around her lamb. She strokes my face with her other hand, as her breathing gets slow and heavy. Her eyes close and her body melts into my side. How many more times will I get to do this? How many more afternoons spent in her bed, reading and telling stories and singing songs? For how much longer will she beg me to snuggle her? For how much longer will I be the center of her world? When will be the last time I am at her side as she falls asleep? I don't know when, but I do know the day will come and my heart is heavy with the knowledge. I feel weak and weary at the thought that one day, it will be the las...