Are Co-ops Worth it?
So many times I hear of moms in co-ops and play groups sharing disturbing stories. Stories of other moms gossiping or bossing around others. Stories of kids acting out and their moms who are unwilling to call junior into account. Stories of squabbling and hurt feelings and being forced to comply with the academic rules of the co-op.
Stories that just make me shake my head in wonder.
Are homeschool co-ops that important that a woman would subject herself to this? Isn't keeping a home, raising children and taking care of a husband not enough stress? Aside from my feelings on co-ops mentioned in this blog, I would never put up with this kind of treatment. I would not subject myself or my kids to ridicule or gossip or the pressure some co-ops put on families.
I know that many moms just feel they need the support of being around other homeschool moms. I know that some moms just don't feel they can homeschool completely on their own. And I know that not all co-ops have these kinds of problems, and many women have had wonderful experiences in their co-ops. I get that.
But still.
Look, we all know what can happen when a bunch of women get together, right? Ladies, ever work with a bunch of women at a job? The potential for back-stabbing and gossip and shaming is much higher in a group of women than it would be in a group of men, or even a group of both men and women. Not that guys are perfect; they have their own Achilles heel, and I am not going into that right now.
Scripture does not say that women can't leave the home or have any friends. Not in the least. But Scripture does often mention that women should have their focus on their own homes and not those of others. It does talk about women managing the home and kids and whatever else her husband has charged her with doing. So, while there is no basis in the Bible for keeping women at home, I think there is enough emphasis on women keeping so busy with their own families, that they do not have much time left for gadding about. Sure, she should leave time for charity work or reaching out to those God has placed in her path. And an occasional meet-up with a friend for coffee or a group of friends to play is great. Coming alongside a sister in Christ who needs some help is right and biblical. But if we are so caught up in our co-op and all that it demands of us, do we have time for these things? Do we even see them?
But these stories I hear of so many women caught up in the dark side of relationships formed in co-ops serves as a warning to me. God knows that women like to gossip. He knows we can be way more vicious than men. He knows what happens when women get together too much, too regularly. Sometimes, we just tear each other down, and we tear down our witness to a world that already thinks we are crazy.
I think that God, in his wisdom, has instructed us wisely. He instructs us to keep our eyes on Him, our husbands and our homes. He instructs us to keep our eyes out for those in need. He instructs the older women to serve as examples to the younger women and to encourage them. He wants us to open our homes to others. He left the regularity of this up to us. But if we keep to His wisdom, we will find little time for spending too much time with other women. Because He knows our hearts. He knows our weakness, and he wants to protect us.
My feelings on the usefulness and necessity of co-ops are discussed in the link above. But this pattern I see in co-ops all over goes deeper than that. It goes straight to my sinful heart. It warns me to stay away from potential danger, to choose my activities wisely and sparingly. To be content to focus on the things God has placed in my life; I don't need to go out looking for more because He always provides work for me to do.
Ladies, I know I am in a tiny minority here. And that is OK with me; I like going against the grain anyway. But think it through before joining this co-op or that play group or study group. Prayerfully enter into associations with many other women. Watch for trouble with gossip or bullying or over-demanding schedules, and be prepared to walk away from it.
We serve a big God. Do you not think He can provide support and friends when you need them? Do you not have faith that He can place people and situations in your path that He wants you to attend to? Do not forgo the stillness in your home for the hustle and bustle of the world. You may miss what He has in store for you.
Stories that just make me shake my head in wonder.
Are homeschool co-ops that important that a woman would subject herself to this? Isn't keeping a home, raising children and taking care of a husband not enough stress? Aside from my feelings on co-ops mentioned in this blog, I would never put up with this kind of treatment. I would not subject myself or my kids to ridicule or gossip or the pressure some co-ops put on families.
I know that many moms just feel they need the support of being around other homeschool moms. I know that some moms just don't feel they can homeschool completely on their own. And I know that not all co-ops have these kinds of problems, and many women have had wonderful experiences in their co-ops. I get that.
But still.
Look, we all know what can happen when a bunch of women get together, right? Ladies, ever work with a bunch of women at a job? The potential for back-stabbing and gossip and shaming is much higher in a group of women than it would be in a group of men, or even a group of both men and women. Not that guys are perfect; they have their own Achilles heel, and I am not going into that right now.
Scripture does not say that women can't leave the home or have any friends. Not in the least. But Scripture does often mention that women should have their focus on their own homes and not those of others. It does talk about women managing the home and kids and whatever else her husband has charged her with doing. So, while there is no basis in the Bible for keeping women at home, I think there is enough emphasis on women keeping so busy with their own families, that they do not have much time left for gadding about. Sure, she should leave time for charity work or reaching out to those God has placed in her path. And an occasional meet-up with a friend for coffee or a group of friends to play is great. Coming alongside a sister in Christ who needs some help is right and biblical. But if we are so caught up in our co-op and all that it demands of us, do we have time for these things? Do we even see them?
But these stories I hear of so many women caught up in the dark side of relationships formed in co-ops serves as a warning to me. God knows that women like to gossip. He knows we can be way more vicious than men. He knows what happens when women get together too much, too regularly. Sometimes, we just tear each other down, and we tear down our witness to a world that already thinks we are crazy.
I think that God, in his wisdom, has instructed us wisely. He instructs us to keep our eyes on Him, our husbands and our homes. He instructs us to keep our eyes out for those in need. He instructs the older women to serve as examples to the younger women and to encourage them. He wants us to open our homes to others. He left the regularity of this up to us. But if we keep to His wisdom, we will find little time for spending too much time with other women. Because He knows our hearts. He knows our weakness, and he wants to protect us.
My feelings on the usefulness and necessity of co-ops are discussed in the link above. But this pattern I see in co-ops all over goes deeper than that. It goes straight to my sinful heart. It warns me to stay away from potential danger, to choose my activities wisely and sparingly. To be content to focus on the things God has placed in my life; I don't need to go out looking for more because He always provides work for me to do.
Ladies, I know I am in a tiny minority here. And that is OK with me; I like going against the grain anyway. But think it through before joining this co-op or that play group or study group. Prayerfully enter into associations with many other women. Watch for trouble with gossip or bullying or over-demanding schedules, and be prepared to walk away from it.
We serve a big God. Do you not think He can provide support and friends when you need them? Do you not have faith that He can place people and situations in your path that He wants you to attend to? Do not forgo the stillness in your home for the hustle and bustle of the world. You may miss what He has in store for you.
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