Pictures

I can see you smiling,

sitting on the couch.

Why there was so much strife

I could never figure out.

All I have are pictures,

some of them are in albums, 

but the best ones are in my head.

You were so handsome

and I was in awe,

you always smiled at me

and I loved you for it.

We didn't talk much; 

so many years separated us,

but there was a bigger gulf imposed on us;

one that we could not reach across.

A gulf of selfishness and pride

a gulf of secrets and sin

and no matter how you tried,

you could not bridge it.

You in your banishment

and I in my extreme youth;

there was nothing we could do

but smile at one another,

as if that were enough.

You will never know

how often I thought of you,

how I wanted to bridge the gap.

I often thought of calling you,

but feared falling into the trap,

of someone else's making.

So all I have are pictures, 

now that you are dead,

but that's all I had anyway.

Some pictures are in albums,

but the best ones are in my head.

For my bother Rob