Needy

     It was a needy day, when they were all in want of a variety of things from me. The oldest was very sick in bed and wanted hot lemonade, hot compresses, and a tissue box mixed in with some love. The 16 year-old realized how behind in Algebra he had become and was barely staying afloat. So I threw him a life-line and we worked out a plan to catch up and reach a better understanding of the concepts presented; a plan that includes me doing more teaching. The 12 year old is suffering from the long dark days and feeling under the weather all the time. She needed a shoulder to cry on, a warm fire and some hot tea. The nine year-old had been dizzy for a few days and needed rest and some company. The 7 year-old was fine, praise God! But she needs me, too, even on good days, as any child needs her mother. Poor 4 year-old spiked a fever late in the day and put himself to bed on the couch and I had to carry him to his room, undress him and tuck him in his bed. The baby was suffering with teething and an upset tummy and demanded me to hold her (ah, the days of holding a sick baby are drawing to a close). And they all needed me at the same time, seemingly all day!
     People remark to me that they don't know how I "do it," presumably wondering how I manage to juggle all these children at the same time, even on good days. Good question! Most of the time, I have no idea how I get any of it done, let alone done well. It all goes by so quickly, responding to the needs of others, that I reach the end of the day, wondering where the time went, what did I do, and did I do enough? Did I forget to see to the needs and wants of someone? Did I ignore or hurt or offend anyone? I just don't know! I wish I could slow down the clock, and make sure that I am doing the "it" that people ask me about. But I can't; I have to make do and muddle through as best I can as the needs arise, with too few hours. Remember playing Whack-a-Mole? It's kind of like that, except I don't get a stuffed toy if I ever manage (rarely!) to get all the moles taken care of at the same time.
     All I can do is lean on God when the days come at me like a speeding, out-of-control freight train. All I can do is rely on His strength when my head is spinning from trying to keep it all together, because I am pretty needy too. I'm not the one doing "it," really; I just look like I am, and people are so impressed; but they are impressed with an illusion. I have the greatest job I could ever ask for, but I'm not really doing it!  How crazy and awesome is that? What am I  doing? I'm just a tool in the Creator's hand. The good days are when I let Him use me as He sees fit. The bad days are when I kick and scream and want to do it my way. Being a tool, letting someone else call the shots, letting work get done through me instead of because of me; these are challenging things: difficult to understand, tricky to execute. If I  release my grasp on my own control, I can hang tightly onto God, but I can't hang on to both! And that's how "it" gets done; that's the best answer I can give. I don't have it all together, I am not supermom, I do not have grand ideas to share. This blog is not a how-to for moms; you will not find a master plan or spreadsheets on how to be a stay-at-home mom, homeschool a bunch of kids, live on one income, and keep your house looking beautiful while keeping your grocery bill low! Not happening. (If you know someone who can help me with those things, please let me know!). Sure, I may show you a recipe now and then, and if I have a brilliant inspiration, I may tell you (don't hold your breath). But I do hope to point you (as well as myself!) to the One who can get it done, who does have it all together, who is the Master Planner.