On Being Fruitful
I dislike being pregnant; I just wanted to clear that up for any of you who might think a mother of 7 would, naturally, love it. I think there is a notion among some folks that women who have a lot of children (these days, more than 2!) must love pregnancy. I know a lot of women for whom pregnancy is nothing more than a hiccup or mild heartburn, hardly noticeable. I am not one of them. Each time I found out I was expecting, I was elated and sometimes surprised, but was quickly sobered by what lay ahead; except, of course, the first time, when I was blissfully unaware. The first time I was pregnant I could not foresee the unending, grinding nausea, the headaches and the there-is-a-dragon-in-my-belly heartburn, depression, aches and pains, and, with some, diabetes (injecting insulin and all), that was to come.
So why do it? Why put myself, and my husband and growing family through it? With all the advances in 'family planning' I certainly could have had fewer children. Want to know something really crazy? Now that I know what a blessing children are, I wish I had had more. The more children we had, the more we wanted. Sure, 7 is a large family and full of life and activity and I am thankful; but now that I am drawing closer to the end of my 40s, and my youngest is 19 months old, and growing way too quickly, I do regret not having a few more. Go ahead and call me a glutton for punishment, but there it is. A friend once told me that a pregnant woman is presenting herself to God as a living sacrifice. It was an encouraging, yet challenging thing to say. Another friend once shared with me the concept of the comfort of sterility vs. the sacrifice of fertility. Much has been written about this idea, and I will leave it to you to do the research, should you be curious; but some historians believe one of the reasons for the fall of the Roman Empire was that its population did not have enough babies to replace themselves, or, in other words, sought the comfort of sterility.
I recall years ago, when pregnant with my third child being asked by well-meaning people if we were done having kids. After all, they pointed out, children are a lot of work, and three kids would be enough of a burden on me, let alone more. And I remember telling those well meaning folks that I hoped we weren't done, and was surprised by their reactions. They ranged from mild surprise to disapproval to incredulity. Of course, now they don't say much, because what's done is done. But I did get similar reactions during pregnancies numbers 4-7! I was definitely not seeking comfort in sterility.
Now, my purpose here, as well as in most of my writing, is not to persuade you to agree with me, but to merely present my life and my views. And this is where it gets controversial; you may not want to read further, but let me be very clear: I am in no way pointing a finger at women who have experienced trouble getting pregnant, or even sterility. No couple who wants children but can't would call being sterile a comfort. Nor am I sitting in judgement of couples who have limited their family size to a certain number, or who have not married until the end of their childbearing years, or who are waiting a bit before diving in. Sometimes children are just part of the picture for some folks. In addition, I am sensitive to the fact that this is a personal decision; but I want to encourage younger couples who are starting their families to at least think long and hard before deciding to limit their family. And for those who do limit (or who already have limited) their families, I would ask that they celebrate and support those folks in their lives who are having large families. Because we, collectively, have to ask ourselves at some point: what have we really gained by letting the birth rate drop below replacement levels? What have we gained when there are not enough children to support the elderly? What have we gained by rejecting children, all of whom bear their Creator's image? The plight of Rome makes a personal decision seem not so personal after all.
We do live in a culture that is all about me and I and my: time for me; I need fulfillment; this is my (fill in the blank). Not many of us are immune to this influence. I know the arguments for limiting the size of a family because I have used them myself: my health, my time, my money, more work; and this resulted in having (only!) 7 children. As a society, we have pushed childbearing, and the subsequent toil that must follow, to the back burner. We are a culture that either rejects children outright or wants more time and money for ourselves than we want children. As a society, we encourage the 2 kids and a dog as a full family, and disparage or question, or look askance at those couples who are welcoming many children into their lives, often at seemingly great personal cost to themselves. We are, by nature, selfish and self-absorbed, and can't understand why some folks just keep having babies! Having my children brought my own selfishness to my attention quickly. Years of sleep deprivation, interrupted meals, cleaning up messes, changing diapers, using the bathroom with an audience, all encroached on my time, my personal space, and my sanity. In the last 20 years, I have spent almost 12 1/2 years pregnant or nursing a baby. And it was not easy.
But here is where it gets encouraging, and if you have read this far, you may as well keep on reading. The payoff has been incredible. Instead of filling my life with vacations, ME time, cars, nice furniture and clothes, and gadgets and gizmos (none of which are bad), I filled my life with souls. Instead of seeking fulfillment for myself in careers, advanced degrees or lots of hobbies (and none of those are bad either), I filled it with eternity. The world would say I have been foolish. But in losing myself in the task of child-bearing and rearing, in serving my husband and children, in being the glue that holds it all together, I found fulfillment, self worth; I found who I am. Funny, how not seeking something ended up giving me the very something I wasn't seeking.
So why do it? Why put myself, and my husband and growing family through it? With all the advances in 'family planning' I certainly could have had fewer children. Want to know something really crazy? Now that I know what a blessing children are, I wish I had had more. The more children we had, the more we wanted. Sure, 7 is a large family and full of life and activity and I am thankful; but now that I am drawing closer to the end of my 40s, and my youngest is 19 months old, and growing way too quickly, I do regret not having a few more. Go ahead and call me a glutton for punishment, but there it is. A friend once told me that a pregnant woman is presenting herself to God as a living sacrifice. It was an encouraging, yet challenging thing to say. Another friend once shared with me the concept of the comfort of sterility vs. the sacrifice of fertility. Much has been written about this idea, and I will leave it to you to do the research, should you be curious; but some historians believe one of the reasons for the fall of the Roman Empire was that its population did not have enough babies to replace themselves, or, in other words, sought the comfort of sterility.
I recall years ago, when pregnant with my third child being asked by well-meaning people if we were done having kids. After all, they pointed out, children are a lot of work, and three kids would be enough of a burden on me, let alone more. And I remember telling those well meaning folks that I hoped we weren't done, and was surprised by their reactions. They ranged from mild surprise to disapproval to incredulity. Of course, now they don't say much, because what's done is done. But I did get similar reactions during pregnancies numbers 4-7! I was definitely not seeking comfort in sterility.
Now, my purpose here, as well as in most of my writing, is not to persuade you to agree with me, but to merely present my life and my views. And this is where it gets controversial; you may not want to read further, but let me be very clear: I am in no way pointing a finger at women who have experienced trouble getting pregnant, or even sterility. No couple who wants children but can't would call being sterile a comfort. Nor am I sitting in judgement of couples who have limited their family size to a certain number, or who have not married until the end of their childbearing years, or who are waiting a bit before diving in. Sometimes children are just part of the picture for some folks. In addition, I am sensitive to the fact that this is a personal decision; but I want to encourage younger couples who are starting their families to at least think long and hard before deciding to limit their family. And for those who do limit (or who already have limited) their families, I would ask that they celebrate and support those folks in their lives who are having large families. Because we, collectively, have to ask ourselves at some point: what have we really gained by letting the birth rate drop below replacement levels? What have we gained when there are not enough children to support the elderly? What have we gained by rejecting children, all of whom bear their Creator's image? The plight of Rome makes a personal decision seem not so personal after all.
We do live in a culture that is all about me and I and my: time for me; I need fulfillment; this is my (fill in the blank). Not many of us are immune to this influence. I know the arguments for limiting the size of a family because I have used them myself: my health, my time, my money, more work; and this resulted in having (only!) 7 children. As a society, we have pushed childbearing, and the subsequent toil that must follow, to the back burner. We are a culture that either rejects children outright or wants more time and money for ourselves than we want children. As a society, we encourage the 2 kids and a dog as a full family, and disparage or question, or look askance at those couples who are welcoming many children into their lives, often at seemingly great personal cost to themselves. We are, by nature, selfish and self-absorbed, and can't understand why some folks just keep having babies! Having my children brought my own selfishness to my attention quickly. Years of sleep deprivation, interrupted meals, cleaning up messes, changing diapers, using the bathroom with an audience, all encroached on my time, my personal space, and my sanity. In the last 20 years, I have spent almost 12 1/2 years pregnant or nursing a baby. And it was not easy.
But here is where it gets encouraging, and if you have read this far, you may as well keep on reading. The payoff has been incredible. Instead of filling my life with vacations, ME time, cars, nice furniture and clothes, and gadgets and gizmos (none of which are bad), I filled my life with souls. Instead of seeking fulfillment for myself in careers, advanced degrees or lots of hobbies (and none of those are bad either), I filled it with eternity. The world would say I have been foolish. But in losing myself in the task of child-bearing and rearing, in serving my husband and children, in being the glue that holds it all together, I found fulfillment, self worth; I found who I am. Funny, how not seeking something ended up giving me the very something I wasn't seeking.
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