On War and Love
Recently, I read a blog post about screen violence and what place violent movies and video games have in our homes and in the raising of children, in which the author indicated that such violence has no value in a child's life, and, possibly, even in the lives of adults. The author rejects outright any screen violence for her children as well as for herself. A lot of people make this type of choice in response to the proliferation of violence we see in our culture today, in hopes of preventing more violence. But I feel that this is too complex an issue to blame on just screen violence; there are far too many factors that play into this issue. I commented on her blog that I agreed with her to a point, but that when I am considering a movie for the family, I not only take into account violence, but more importantly, the deal breaker for me is the sexual content. Ironically, people are too busy guarding the front door and not letting any violence in their homes, that they neglect to guard the back door, where sexual content, disguised as innocent attraction, is sneaking in. (I'm not talking about R rated sexual content here; I am talking about the subtle and maybe not-so-subtle sexual messages in PG/PG 13-type movies.) I feel that both sex and violence deserve consideration when choosing entertainment, whether it involves movies, the internet, music or video games.
There are very few video games in our house and none that include blood and gore. Some of today's games are so horrific and detached from reality, and the player is an active participant in the gore and destruction, that they should be kept away from all children (and maybe some adults). I do think there is a big difference between watching a battle scene or gun fight that is part of a larger story, as opposed to playing a video game to see how much blood and guts you can spill, so for the sake of this discussion, I am only referring to violence in movies. But now you're wondering: do I let my kids watch movies with violent content? Yes, I do. Not to any great extent, and sometimes the younger kids are sent off to bed so that we can watch something more appropriate for the older ones. But movies with sexual content? They don't make the cut here. And you may also be wondering: why do I make such a distinction? Why allow one and not the other? Aren't they both really bad for kids? I have been pondering those questions myself, trying to understand why I have seemingly made these choices unconsciously.
First of all, if I had to choose what issues to discuss with my kids after seeing a movie, I would much prefer to discuss bad choices or habits such as swearing, drug use or violence as opposed to sexual content or relationships. Swearing, fighting, and drug/alcohol use are concrete issues that most kids can understand. "Don't swear, even though other people do." "Don't use drugs." "Try to find peaceful solutions." But I do not want to talk about the sexual tension or sin in a movie with my pre-teen kids at all, and only in private with my tweens and teenagers, not around the dinner table. Sexual tension and sin are more difficult to discuss with kids, because it is a maturity and gender-sensitive issue, one that shouldn't be discussed in a mixed group of kids. Has this ever happened to you? The music clues you in, and you know it's coming, and then you are really uncomfortable and, out of the corner of your eye, you watch your kids to see their reactions. Ugh. Who wants that? The younger kids have no clue, but feel they are being manipulated in some way while watching it; or the older kids do have a clue, and are possibly allowing themselves to be manipulated, but are still uncomfortable with what it all means. Sex education, I believe, needs to come when the child is ready, and should only be handled by the child's parents, in a loving, safe environment, free from the influence of Hollywood. Movies may be a great tool to discuss drugs and alcohol and fighting and other poor choices, but they are not as useful when talking about sex. Children don't need to have sexually sinful images in their heads that come out of movies, but they do need to have God's plan for sex firmly planted in their minds and hearts, so they can distinguish between a distorted view of sex and a godly one.
Secondly, while kids should not spend inordinate amounts of time digesting violence, I do not think smaller, infrequent amounts are harmful, especially when a battle is being fought. When there is a good side and a bad side and the good side wins, children learn that there are some things worth fighting for. And when the bad guy wins, and evil reigns, children understand that we must take a stand against evil. Right and wrong are presented as real ideas, things that demand to be classified as such. But there are no winners in sexual sin. None. Yet, the movies would have you think otherwise, thus the manipulation I mentioned earlier. Case in point: the movie Enchanted is targeted for younger kids, and for the most part is an innocent movie, even if it is a mediocre one. Yet there is a palpable sexual tension between two main characters that is, in my opinion, wholly inappropriate for the target audience. They don't act on their urges and desires, because it is, after all, a movie for kids. But the message is clear enough. These types of movies manipulate kids into thinking that sexual immorality is good, healthy and normal, so that when they reach the teen years and beyond, they have developed a sense that anything goes in relationships, that everything is permissible and that everyone comes out a winner, because there is no good or bad side.
And so I would have to conclude that while I will tolerate some violence in movies, taking into account the ages of my kids who are watching, I will not tolerate movies with any amount of sexual content. The only exceptions to this are an occasional chaste kiss, or the love and attraction between two married characters, lest children think that all sex is bad. Almost daily, my kids witness hugs and kisses between my husband and me, and that kind of love scene is good for them! I would rather see my kids out in the yard, sword fighting, than find them playing out a distorted and misleading love scene they saw in a movie. Do I love violence? No. Do I let my kids watch tons of violent movies? No. But they have seen moderate amounts of it: movies that don't glorify it or include it just for the sake of violence, but put it into its proper context. Anyone who knows me knows I am pretty protective of my kids and what comes into my home. And protecting their sexual purity is a priority. I believe if a person has a healthy, normal and biblical view of marriage and sex, respects and understands the institution of marriage, and understands that God meant sex for marriage alone, purposing marriage to represent the sacrificial relationship of Christ and His church, that person is well-grounded. Generally, well-grounded teens, who are comfortable with who they are, who are willing to wait until marriage to have sex and who respect themselves and others, are probably more willing to abstain from drugs, alcohol, and other self destructive, violent or illegal behaviors as well. They see the innate value of themselves and people of the opposite sex; that we are all created in God's image, and that someday, they are most likely going to be married, and don't need a bunch of sexual baggage to lug around.
We don't live in a perfect world. Violence happens all around us. People all around us suffer the consequences of their own, or that of others, sexual sin. Some people choose to eliminate entertainment with any violent content for the sake of their kids, and there is nothing wrong with that. I have chosen to battle against it in a more roundabout way: by eliminating the sexual immorality found in the entertainment my children consume. By digging a little deeper than the violence, I am hoping that encouraging sexual purity will create a stable framework for my kids to work within not only when they deal with relationships, but with the rest of life as well.
There are very few video games in our house and none that include blood and gore. Some of today's games are so horrific and detached from reality, and the player is an active participant in the gore and destruction, that they should be kept away from all children (and maybe some adults). I do think there is a big difference between watching a battle scene or gun fight that is part of a larger story, as opposed to playing a video game to see how much blood and guts you can spill, so for the sake of this discussion, I am only referring to violence in movies. But now you're wondering: do I let my kids watch movies with violent content? Yes, I do. Not to any great extent, and sometimes the younger kids are sent off to bed so that we can watch something more appropriate for the older ones. But movies with sexual content? They don't make the cut here. And you may also be wondering: why do I make such a distinction? Why allow one and not the other? Aren't they both really bad for kids? I have been pondering those questions myself, trying to understand why I have seemingly made these choices unconsciously.
First of all, if I had to choose what issues to discuss with my kids after seeing a movie, I would much prefer to discuss bad choices or habits such as swearing, drug use or violence as opposed to sexual content or relationships. Swearing, fighting, and drug/alcohol use are concrete issues that most kids can understand. "Don't swear, even though other people do." "Don't use drugs." "Try to find peaceful solutions." But I do not want to talk about the sexual tension or sin in a movie with my pre-teen kids at all, and only in private with my tweens and teenagers, not around the dinner table. Sexual tension and sin are more difficult to discuss with kids, because it is a maturity and gender-sensitive issue, one that shouldn't be discussed in a mixed group of kids. Has this ever happened to you? The music clues you in, and you know it's coming, and then you are really uncomfortable and, out of the corner of your eye, you watch your kids to see their reactions. Ugh. Who wants that? The younger kids have no clue, but feel they are being manipulated in some way while watching it; or the older kids do have a clue, and are possibly allowing themselves to be manipulated, but are still uncomfortable with what it all means. Sex education, I believe, needs to come when the child is ready, and should only be handled by the child's parents, in a loving, safe environment, free from the influence of Hollywood. Movies may be a great tool to discuss drugs and alcohol and fighting and other poor choices, but they are not as useful when talking about sex. Children don't need to have sexually sinful images in their heads that come out of movies, but they do need to have God's plan for sex firmly planted in their minds and hearts, so they can distinguish between a distorted view of sex and a godly one.
Secondly, while kids should not spend inordinate amounts of time digesting violence, I do not think smaller, infrequent amounts are harmful, especially when a battle is being fought. When there is a good side and a bad side and the good side wins, children learn that there are some things worth fighting for. And when the bad guy wins, and evil reigns, children understand that we must take a stand against evil. Right and wrong are presented as real ideas, things that demand to be classified as such. But there are no winners in sexual sin. None. Yet, the movies would have you think otherwise, thus the manipulation I mentioned earlier. Case in point: the movie Enchanted is targeted for younger kids, and for the most part is an innocent movie, even if it is a mediocre one. Yet there is a palpable sexual tension between two main characters that is, in my opinion, wholly inappropriate for the target audience. They don't act on their urges and desires, because it is, after all, a movie for kids. But the message is clear enough. These types of movies manipulate kids into thinking that sexual immorality is good, healthy and normal, so that when they reach the teen years and beyond, they have developed a sense that anything goes in relationships, that everything is permissible and that everyone comes out a winner, because there is no good or bad side.
And so I would have to conclude that while I will tolerate some violence in movies, taking into account the ages of my kids who are watching, I will not tolerate movies with any amount of sexual content. The only exceptions to this are an occasional chaste kiss, or the love and attraction between two married characters, lest children think that all sex is bad. Almost daily, my kids witness hugs and kisses between my husband and me, and that kind of love scene is good for them! I would rather see my kids out in the yard, sword fighting, than find them playing out a distorted and misleading love scene they saw in a movie. Do I love violence? No. Do I let my kids watch tons of violent movies? No. But they have seen moderate amounts of it: movies that don't glorify it or include it just for the sake of violence, but put it into its proper context. Anyone who knows me knows I am pretty protective of my kids and what comes into my home. And protecting their sexual purity is a priority. I believe if a person has a healthy, normal and biblical view of marriage and sex, respects and understands the institution of marriage, and understands that God meant sex for marriage alone, purposing marriage to represent the sacrificial relationship of Christ and His church, that person is well-grounded. Generally, well-grounded teens, who are comfortable with who they are, who are willing to wait until marriage to have sex and who respect themselves and others, are probably more willing to abstain from drugs, alcohol, and other self destructive, violent or illegal behaviors as well. They see the innate value of themselves and people of the opposite sex; that we are all created in God's image, and that someday, they are most likely going to be married, and don't need a bunch of sexual baggage to lug around.
We don't live in a perfect world. Violence happens all around us. People all around us suffer the consequences of their own, or that of others, sexual sin. Some people choose to eliminate entertainment with any violent content for the sake of their kids, and there is nothing wrong with that. I have chosen to battle against it in a more roundabout way: by eliminating the sexual immorality found in the entertainment my children consume. By digging a little deeper than the violence, I am hoping that encouraging sexual purity will create a stable framework for my kids to work within not only when they deal with relationships, but with the rest of life as well.
Comments
Post a Comment