Girls Are Pretty!

     Lately, I have read that telling little girls they are pretty is harmful to their self esteem. They will grow up, the theory goes, to think that their looks are all that matter, and their brains and capabilities are secondary or even useless. We should only compliment them on how smart they are and how capable and talented they are. We should only have intellectual discussions with them, lest they start dieting at age six, become totally self absorbed with how they look, and despair at ever measuring up to what society says they should look like. There seems to be far too many girls suffering from being told they are pretty and not being told they are smart. In one article I read, the author meets a lovely little girl and wants to tell her how cute she is, but squelches that impulse and launches into a discussion about books with the new little reader.
     Is it wrong to tell girls they are pretty? Of course not! I took an informal poll at my house with my 3 older daughters, since my fourth daughter is too young to give a coherent answer ( but golly, she IS cute). One said she liked being told she is pretty because she has confidence enough in her abilities to solve complicated math problems and read difficult books. The other two said they preferred being told they are smart, but being told they are pretty is OK too. As for me, I do feel special whenever my husband compliments me on some mental achievement (mostly because he is almost a genius). But I would worry if he never complimented me on my looks; I like that he notices both! But we have raised all our girls affirming both their brains and their appearance. Balancing the two seems to be a better alternative.
      But more importantly than that, we have raised them with the knowledge of Who created them: almighty God Himself, in whose image they were made. I have to wonder if all the girls out there who are dieting severely and overly anxious about their looks and suffering depression, know this truth about themselves? Could it be less of an issue of telling girls that they are pretty, and more of an issue of not telling them their life purpose? That they were formed by God, that He loves them enough to die for them, that their purpose in life is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever? I'll bet that armed with this knowledge, most girls, no matter what they get complimented for, would not be as likely to succumb to despair over their looks and perceived lack of brains. At least they would have more emotional and spiritual resources to battle against what they think the world wants them to be. And I think this is the key- to reach into a girl's heart and soul and help her understand that, yes, we are all sinful, but that there is inherent beauty in being created by a loving and just God.
     I say compliment the girls in your life on both their looks and brains, giving glory to God for both. Buy them a pretty dress or bauble, and a book. Help them pick out a smashing outfit and play a rousing game of cards or Scrabble with them. While shopping for makeup or earrings, talk about politics and religion.  Give them a proper perspective on all the gifts He has given them and celebrate them all! And if I haven't said it lately to my girls: you are all smart and beautiful inside and out, and I thank God for making you all just the way you are.