Love/Like
Most parents would readily admit they love their children and like them as well, as if they are the same thing. But I wonder. I think loving and liking are two different things, requiring two different skill sets, and may even be mutually exclusive at times.
Now, when I say 'love', I don't mean all that gushy stuff I felt when I gazed at my precious newborns, or my cute-as-a-button 2 year-old, or my precocious 5 year-old. No, I don't mean feelings when I speak of love, (sometimes they can be a hindrance, such as trying to love a porcupine-type of teenager, or a temper tantrum throwing toddler) but they can be helpful. I mean love as an action: purposeful action to benefit another person, regardless of anything received in return. A love shown regardless of feelings. Sometimes love in action, for parents, may mean doing something nice for their kids, or it may be discipline, or even a punishment, but it is always done with the best interest of the child in mind. So, do I love my children? Do I love them enough to feed them in the middle of the night, or clean up a crib full of vomit, without complaint? Do I love them enough to teach them God's truths, which may include me setting the example? Do I love them enough to drive them all over the place for sports events or to meet with friends; to make them tell me who they are going out with and where; to exert my authority and punish them for serious offenses? Do I love them enough to take the time to teach them respect for their parents, and make clear to them what kind of behavior I expect, not forgetting to delve into their hearts to see what is going on? These are all loving actions, some of them not very fun and all of them time consuming, that really don't benefit me.
Or do they? Because this brings me to liking my children. Do I like my kids? Enough to want to just hang out with them and talk or watch TV or play a game? Do I like them enough to take them out to eat or shopping and just enjoy the time together, with never a worry about them acting up? Do I like to hear their opinions or piano playing or watch them climb trees or ride their bikes? No? Am I finding that I would rather lock them out of the house just for some peace? Then I need to read the first paragraph again, because if I am not loving my kids, it's really hard to like them. Because when I get too lazy to love my kids, they get bratty really quickly. Unchecked, undisciplined children just get worse until brought back into line. I don't want to be around them, and I'm only too happy to find any excuse to plop them in front of the TV. But that doesn't last too long. Historically, my parenting usually slacked off when I was pregnant or nursing a baby, when suffering a prolonged illness, or caring for a really sick child. I find if I get back on top of the discipline, the kids settle right down.
Let me be clear, even though I home school, I am not tethered to my kids and I do take breaks by going for a run, or out with a friend for coffee or lunch, (or simply lock them out of the house). I don't want to be with them 24/7 (they aren't perfect), but I do like being with them. And, I do want to enjoy them! I like to watch the young ones play and ride bikes, draw and learn, play instruments and compete in sports. I genuinely like taking my kids shopping or out to lunch, because they have such fun and are very well behaved in public. I may do those things because I love them, but I do it, more importantly, because I like them.
Now, when I say 'love', I don't mean all that gushy stuff I felt when I gazed at my precious newborns, or my cute-as-a-button 2 year-old, or my precocious 5 year-old. No, I don't mean feelings when I speak of love, (sometimes they can be a hindrance, such as trying to love a porcupine-type of teenager, or a temper tantrum throwing toddler) but they can be helpful. I mean love as an action: purposeful action to benefit another person, regardless of anything received in return. A love shown regardless of feelings. Sometimes love in action, for parents, may mean doing something nice for their kids, or it may be discipline, or even a punishment, but it is always done with the best interest of the child in mind. So, do I love my children? Do I love them enough to feed them in the middle of the night, or clean up a crib full of vomit, without complaint? Do I love them enough to teach them God's truths, which may include me setting the example? Do I love them enough to drive them all over the place for sports events or to meet with friends; to make them tell me who they are going out with and where; to exert my authority and punish them for serious offenses? Do I love them enough to take the time to teach them respect for their parents, and make clear to them what kind of behavior I expect, not forgetting to delve into their hearts to see what is going on? These are all loving actions, some of them not very fun and all of them time consuming, that really don't benefit me.
Or do they? Because this brings me to liking my children. Do I like my kids? Enough to want to just hang out with them and talk or watch TV or play a game? Do I like them enough to take them out to eat or shopping and just enjoy the time together, with never a worry about them acting up? Do I like to hear their opinions or piano playing or watch them climb trees or ride their bikes? No? Am I finding that I would rather lock them out of the house just for some peace? Then I need to read the first paragraph again, because if I am not loving my kids, it's really hard to like them. Because when I get too lazy to love my kids, they get bratty really quickly. Unchecked, undisciplined children just get worse until brought back into line. I don't want to be around them, and I'm only too happy to find any excuse to plop them in front of the TV. But that doesn't last too long. Historically, my parenting usually slacked off when I was pregnant or nursing a baby, when suffering a prolonged illness, or caring for a really sick child. I find if I get back on top of the discipline, the kids settle right down.
Let me be clear, even though I home school, I am not tethered to my kids and I do take breaks by going for a run, or out with a friend for coffee or lunch, (or simply lock them out of the house). I don't want to be with them 24/7 (they aren't perfect), but I do like being with them. And, I do want to enjoy them! I like to watch the young ones play and ride bikes, draw and learn, play instruments and compete in sports. I genuinely like taking my kids shopping or out to lunch, because they have such fun and are very well behaved in public. I may do those things because I love them, but I do it, more importantly, because I like them.
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